your bank statementbut make it trauma
connect your bank and let ai expose your financial choices to yourself. sometimes it's eerily accurate. sometimes it's confidently wrong. that's the fun part.
2025 Financial Autopsy
1,847
transactions analyzed
we saw everything.
286
merchants
$89K
spent
5.1
per day
Buckle up. This is about to get personal.
free preview for early users — limited time
relax. we use plaid (same as venmo).
(you get roasted. your money doesn't.)
2025 Financial Autopsy
1,847
transactions analyzed
we saw everything.
286
merchants
$89K
spent
5.1
per day
Buckle up. This is about to get personal.
// the process
three steps to financial literacy
getting roasted
connect your bank
takes 30 seconds. uses plaid. (yes, the same one venmo uses)
ai reads your shame
we analyze your transactions and find the patterns you've been ignoring. or hallucinate ones that don't exist.
(it's ai. you might be shocked. you might be confused. roll the dice.)
get absolutely destroyed
$7.99unlock your full story: 20+ slides of insights, roasts, and an uncomfortably accurate personality type
no subscription. one payment. occasionally genius. frequently unhinged.
// exhibit a through f
what we expose
your spending personality
are you "The Subscription Hoarder" or "The Impulse Amazon Prime-r"? ai figures it out and roasts you accordingly.
personalized roasts
"you spent $847 at target but only went in for toothpaste. 78 times."
wild comparisons
"$4,200 on food delivery = 2.1 PS5s or 840 street tacos"
habit tracking
"284 coffees. one every 1.3 days. your blood type is cold brew."
contradictions
"bought groceries at 4pm. ordered doordash at 6pm. classic."
time-based patterns
"friday you hits different. friday you has no budget. also: 2am amazon purchases are up 340% this year."
// the receipts don't lie
okay but is this sketchy?
fair question. here's the deal:
"can you steal my money?"
no. read-only access means we literally can't. we use Plaid — same as Venmo, Robinhood, and every other app you already trust with this.
"what happens to my data?"
we analyze it, generate your story, then delete it. we're not building a database of your chipotle addiction.
"are you selling my data?"
the business model is you paying $7.99, not selling your spending habits to advertisers. that's it. that's the whole thing.
"what banks work?"
pretty much all of them. plaid supports 10,000+ financial institutions in the US.
// end of scroll. decision time.
your transactions already happened.
might as well laugh about it.
two minutes. $7.99. one roast that's either uncomfortably accurate or entertainingly wrong.
(look, it's a $5 robot reading your venmo. miracles not guaranteed.)